Just because

Heard this song in the car today and thought of you. Thanks hun, for among other things, calling me at the strike of midnight every time I'm on the aft-night shift (which ends at midnight). For freaking out and calling repeatedly when it's past midnight and I'm still not picking up because handover's still happening. For staying up and insisting that I call as soon I get home even though the hospital's a good 40 minute drive away and Melbourne's a half hour ahead of Adelaide time. For being interested in everything I have to say, always. For loving God with me.In short, for being my best friend in every way.

Lucky - Jason Mraz ft Colbie Cailat

Even though I think we'd both agree that what's brought and kept us together isn't so much luck but the belief that God who's blessed us with every spiritual blessing not because of what we've done but because of what Jesus did has plans to prosper us individually and together, hearing this song made me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy on ths inside. Just one of those feelgood songs that make me think of you. :)

The big 2008

What can I say about 2008. It's been a big year in so many ways it's gonna be tough trying to keep this post down to a readable length ie. anything shorter than our infamous post "This is our story, this is our song" which will henceforth be the threshold length for long posts. I would say that 2008 has passed at the speed of light if not for the scientific impossibility of it at the present time so let me just stick with the oft used "2008 has come and gone in a blink of an eye" (which as I have just realized is not any more possible than it passing at the speed of light and yes, i think it is fairly obvious who the main culprit was behind the length of our infamous post).

I started 2008 with a little bit of everything - excitement, fear, curiosity and a whole mix of other feelings and emotions. It has been, like I said, a big year - the brother came over to Adelaide which meant that I had the impossible task of keeping him in line (thank you Rahul for making my job so much easier by bringing him for all the drinking med events there was. My mum is still waiting to strangle you. Haha I kid. Chris and Rahul have been awesome housemates. He's matured quite a bit over the past year and I know for a fact that having the both of you around has played a part in that), I started 5th year - the One with the Big Exam and of course, who could forget seeing as I've only mentioned it a good 3 times in the past 2 paragraphs - there was wenhao.

I said sometime this year that I believed 2008 was gonna continue to be my Year of Revelation and I must say, with only 12 hours to go before 2009, that it certainly has been. Some of the posts I've written are just some of the things that God has placed in my heart, all of which I continue to find encouragement and learn new lessons from along with all the new bits of revelation God has graciously spoken into my life. That's the amazing thing about God's word innit. Never have I experienced how dynamic the word of God is till this year when God reminded me again and again how verses that I've read a thousand times can bring a thousand different meanings in a thousand different situations.

There are so many things I can say on The Big 2008 but in the best interests of time and webspace, let's just say that it's been a good year.

Here's to a bigger, better 2009!

What's in a pass

That which we call an NGP,
By any other name would smell just as sweet.

ec·stat·ic
[ek-stat-ik]

1.	of, pertaining to, or characterized by ecstasy.

2.	subject to or in a state of ecstasy; rapturous.

ju·bi·lant
(jōō'bə-lənt)
– showing great joy, satisfaction, or triumph; rejoicing; exultant

are just some of the emotions that are currently coursing through my sleep-deprived self.

5 years worth of medical school crammed into 4 days worth of excruciating exams, all in order to see these 3 glorious letters - N G P. 3 seemingly random letters.

But just as Juliet meant when she professed her love to Romeo with the words "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" , what matters is what something is, not what it is called. (Don't ask me why Shakespeare came to mind in my state of happiness. I'm still trying to figure that out.)

But really, seeing N G P on my computer screen brought tears to my eyes because it was firstly a visible mark of God bringing me through yet another year of med school. This year though challenging in its own right has been nothing short of awesome with regards to my walk with God and I cannot even begin to express how thankful and blessed I am to have been encouraged through every day of swotvac with verses which never failed to speak to my very situation at the point(which shall be elaborated on in my next post). Also, for the wonderful family, wenhao (haha yea he has his own special category because he's special that way) and friends whom God specifically placed in my path who were loving pillars of support emotionally and spiritually. Secondly, I wanted nothing more than to be able to call my parents with the news that I had passed knowing how happy it would make them. They've always made clear their support for the brother and I, especially so during stressful exams, and as such all I wanted to do was to see the smiles on their faces and hear the joy in their voices upon hearing my good news.

Oh and how could I forget, N G P also means that I'VE FINALLY GOTTEN ALL MY LETTERS WOOHOO!!!

First there was the D and the O.
Then there was the C
And the T
And finally, the grand finale of it all, the Big OneS - O and R *cue background celebratory music*

A fitting end to 2008.

Saturday Morning Special

Things have gotten rather quiet in this here space of late for the reason disclosed in my previous posts (that which incites much fear and trembling and goes by the acronym TBO. That one.)

So anyway, I was thinking it would be nice to liven the overall dull as dishwater atmosphere with a true story that is sure to warm your hearts and put a perpetual smile on your faces as it has mine.

Good evening teachers, family, friends and random readers who happened to stumble upon this website after googling Saturday Morning Special. This evening I would like to tell you a story that is entitled Saturday Morning Special. (because I was always too shy to be involved in story-telling in primary school.)

*Takes deep imaginary nervous breath*

Saturday was a great day. I woke up, got changed and had a mock OSCE session with the seniors afterwhich I got my handbag and headed out the door, on my way to Central Market. Quite the normal Saturday (with the exception of the OSCE session). In case you're wondering if I've turned into one of those bloggers who find it absolutely necessary to tell the world every little detail that happens in their lives starting from the position in which they woke up to the number of strokes they took to brush their teeth at night, you're probably right.(kidding. it's hard to maintain a sense of humour in the midst of exams but at least i tried.) Where was I. Oh right.

Expecting to see the brother as I had called him earlier asking him to come over, I open the door. And I see Wen Hao.

The end.

Thank you.



Needless to say, the past 4 days have been awesome. Thanks hun, for the wonderful surprise "gift" that I was expecting to arrive in the mail. Having you here if only for 4 days was much better than anything that could've fit into a mailbox. :) Thanks for being my Saturday Morning Special.

You may all proceed to gag at the sappiness of the title. I still think it's an awesome story. :)

Early morning reflections

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender
without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle



It is with much thankfulness and glee that I sit here typing my thoughts out which for once in the last few weeks has not been plagued with frustration at having to go through a rotation which hasn't been the most enjoyable. GP week has so far been great. A respite of sorts from the past couple of weeks.

This song (which has been playing repeatedly in my car for the past 3 months because I'm too kiamsiap to buy cds here when I can get them at the same price in Malaysian ringgit) came on as I sat behind the wheel, making my way through Adelaide's early morning "traffic" (which is like the jam inside one utama's carpark on a random weeknight). I was reminded again of how God can speak the extraordinary through the ordinary.

Twas reminded once again about the meaning of surrender. The line "the God we want and the God who is" especially spoke to me because it's so true that I sometimes seek God for what I want before I seek Him for who He is. As I sit back and reflect (on my chair because the bed? it is EVIL and seeks to lull me to a place where dreams abound and things like 5th year finals aka The Big One (TBO) do not exist), I ask myself why despite knowing and believing in a God who in all His power still desires to love and have relationship us with do we sometimes still get disappointed.

"the God we want and the God who is"

Therein lies the discrepancy. The God we want may not be the same as the God who is.

Is 55:8,9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

..because our thoughts aren't God's thoughts. It's easy to convince ourselves that what we want is right simply because it isn't morally or socially wrong but I can quite confidently assume that most of our prayers do not actually revolve around things which go against societal norms or moral justice. This verse is always a reminder to me that no matter how righteous I think I am in desiring something, God's thoughts and ways will always be higher than mine. The God we want ie. the requests we desire God to fulfill more often than not changes with time and season and what we wanted 15 years ago (Malibu Barbie) may not be what we want today (PASS TBO). The one constant that remains through every season in our life is who God is - Creator of the heavens, the earth and everything in it who chose to come down to earth, to a place where He was rejected, scorned and ridiculed, just so He could suffer the shame of the cross for a people who were already going the wrong way in order that another way may be made open. The big lesson for me this morning is to seek that which is constant - who God is first and foremost and in doing so coming to a place where the God I want IS the God who is.

Setting my eyes on the Who and not the what

..is a challenge especially when sometimes I think I know what's best for me. Just started reading the book Drawing Near again and this part stood out in flashing neon lights because it was such a stark reminder of the meaning of surrendering my future into God's hands.


Then all these other heroes of faith just sprang to mind and what I realized was that every single one of them was as human as the rest of us, but what set them apart was the fact that they set their eyes on the God in their lives instead of the circumstances surrounding it. And how they were able to do that was, I believe, because they each received personal revelations from God which led to the unshakeable conviction that the Who in their lives will always be bigger than the what.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

I could easily insist on controlling my future (as much as is within my control anyway because Christian or not, we all know that in life there are things that we can choose in order to achieve a particular outcome and then there are the circumstances in life that appear to choose us with no regard whatsoever towards our personal desires) leaving God out of the equation because though He loves me and desires to personally guide me through life, embracing and acknowledging that is a choice that is solely my own to make. But I found myself asking this question as I reflected on my bed (because I've switched rotations and am now in a hospital which is a little too far away to walk. Hello, sedentary lifestyle. You were right when you said I would come back to you. And just in time for beach season too. Such impeccable timing. I might just run a couple of rounds around the park tomorrow just to SPITE YOU.Hmph. So there. To those who've been reading this space for at least the past 2-3 years, I probably need not mention that our finals are just around the corner from that really short row of houses on WOMANSTOPWATCHINGSURFTHECHANNELANDSTARTSTUDYINGALREADY street).

Why would I want to?

If it were up to me, I'd naturally choose the path with the least perceived resistance just so everything would be easy and convenient. But then God reminded me today that who I am and more importantly what He sees in me isn't based on my external circumstance. It's what's in me. Strength of character, like any other muscle, is shaped and formed through endurance training and whatever else you gym junkies do that I obviously know nothing about. All I know is that it isn't always convenient, and neither is it always easy. But like all you gym junkies out there who go all out just to achieve your ideal muscle er i don't know, circumference?(how do you measure muscle size anyway?) and strength, I want to trust God with my life because I want to live it to the fullest potential that God has placed in me. So I choose to trust in God's plan for my life. Like all the heroes of faith who have gone before us, I want to set my eyes on the Who and not the what.

Morning/Afternoon Walk Reflections

Spring is here! The weather over the past few days has been absolutely delightful. I love walking in good weather not only because it's good for my peripheral circulation (because my peripheries don't take well to the cold. like seriously. ask the housemates or anyone who has walked outdoors with me during winter.) but because God always uses this time to speak and reveal nuggets of wisdom and words of grace to me. Just today I really felt God reminding me about why He desires a personal relationship with me and the importance of not loving just the image of Him but who He is to me personally. God died and rose again for each and every one of us, but what differentiates us is the fact that we were created with unique personalities,gifts and talents. These I believe are released in its full potential when we allow God to grow and shape us accordingly as we serve together with others with a similar desire and love for Him. Basic science will tell us that not one person on the face of the planet is similar. (Disclaimer: Yes I know monozygotic twins share a similar DNA sequence but even then I believe that each will grow to develop a personality that is uniquely his/hers. Also, studies have shown that monozygotic twins can turn out to be markedly different - random google result) Our different personalities will inevitably influence the way we love and relate to others.This is clearly shown in the different ways in which we love and relate to the people around us. Like how we love our family members but relate to each in a different manner. Or how we love our friends but have a different kind of relationship with each one. Love, though characterized by common terms is expressed in different ways to different people. I can be inspired and encouraged by how someone else loves Jesus but it will never be the same as the way I love Him out of my own relationship with Him.

It's impossible for me to talk about God without mentioning once again the grace through which all this is possible. And I will never stop dwelling on it because in our world the concept of undeserved favour is most times met with scepticism and contempt which makes it so easy to forget the magnitude of Jesus' sacrifice and the depth of love which led Him to the cross. Many things have been happening of late which have only served to highlight the importance of knowing and loving God personally and not just the image which others place upon Him. Because as true as these things may be (that God is good, that God loves unconditionally etc), nothing drives home these statements more than a personal revelation from God Himself. Even what I'm sharing now, which when revealed to me touched my heart in more ways than one, might be mere words to someone else reading this. Alot of what God reveals to me through bible verses or thoughts aren't totally new to me in that I may have read or heard a sermon preached on it in church at some point. So though I knew these to be true even before I received that revelation, the fact that God revealed them to me in a personal manner packaged in just the way that would appeal to me and resonate with my spirit made all the difference.

The essence of all I'm saying (because I'm obviously terribly long-winded as is best reflected by the post entitled "This is our story, This is our song" which according to my brother [who never finished reading it] comes a close second to the longest blog post in the www which was apparently VERY long. It may not come as a surprise to some of you to know that wenhao and I had already cut some parts out because even we felt it was a bit much heh.) really is that God's love for us didn't stop at the cross. He did all of that even though He didn't have to, even though we clearly didn't deserve it, precisely because He desires to have a personal relationship with each of us. Grace doesn't come any better than that.